I’m editing some previous posts to respect the privacy of others whose personal lives and grieving process I related in my blog with out their permission. It embarrasses me that I failed to recognize my infringement into their lives, it worries me I’ve done it more places in this blog and don’t have the perspective to recognize these transgressions. I apologize.
Grieving does not happen in a vacuum. People rarely have as much attention directed toward them than when a loved one dies. Funerals are a great big party at which the guest of honor is not completely present and those closest to them stand in proxy, often having no choice in the matter. The event is rife with social awkwardness and attendees show up equipped with varying levels of skill to deal with the situation. Since there’s no clearly expressed end time, every unlucky recipient of an invitation to mourn is more or less a perpetual guest. Gives “doing the limbo” a whole new meaning. The punch bowl of emotions intoxicates everyone; being a gracious hostess takes patience, understanding and forgiveness.
Because I have remained confused about certain circumstances, unsure of my own feelings, getting feedback from friends whose judgement I trust has been an integral part of my ability to maintain equilibrium. One of the growing number of reasons I keep writing here, in a public forum, is to share some of what I have discovered, maybe help others in the process. I have selfish reasons for writing, too. I’ll get there one of these days.
But whether my reasons for writing are altruistic or self-serving, when it comes to whose story I tell, I must to respond to the outrage of another who demands, “What gives you the right?” I have thought about it, and I hope this is a fair answer: I have the right to discuss what has happened to me directly and how it made me feel. If another person is involved in the situation, if their actions have prompted the emotions, negative or positive, I believe I have the right to include details of their participation in my writing, using discretion where identity is concerned and making my best effort to not judge the other person.
I do not have the right to discuss, without permission, events in the life of someone else, no matter how much their life affects my own.
Finally, I ask that I receive patience, understanding and forgiveness. I’ve never done this before. I’d rather not be doing it. The list of things I’d rather be doing so far has no end and includes getting a root canal, driving two thousand miles in stop and go traffic in the middle of summer with no air conditioner only listening AM talk radio, waiting tables alone on the graveyard shift at the Hollywood iHop …the list goes on. There are few things I wouldn’t give to not have a reason to write this blog.
Barring a reversal of the irreversible, I’ll keep writing.